Here’s How Therapy Can Enhance Your Sex Life (video)

Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: So often sometimes people will come into therapy and saying everything is good, ‘okie dokie’, no problem, then you get to the last 5 minutes of the session and then something comes up. “oh by the way we haven’t had sex in 6 months.,” or “by the way we both sleep in separate rooms,” or “by the way…” Whatever it is, that’s huge why are you just bringing that up now? There is this fear of being judged sometimes by the therapist. ‘I don’t want the therapist to judge me.’ However, I’m leaving now, so if I never get it out it’s never going to happen.

So sometimes couples or even families will bring up the issue at the last minute something that’s very major. We could’ve been spent the entire time talking about it. So, it does happen occasionally that they don’t want to talk about certain topics particularly if it’s about sex. Particularly if they’re not doing as good as people think they’re doing. Often about their partner, that’s not fulfilling their sexual needs. It’s always some taboo topics that come up at the end that should’ve come up earlier in the session.

Screen: What about taboo topics?
Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: I am totally okay with those type of topics. They’re not taboo to me and they are a part of life. It is something. Everyone should have sex. Hopefully, everyone is having sex. I’m more concerned with clients who aren’t having sex–who’s 32 and never had sex. What’s going on there?

I’m okay with those type of topics. I’d rather we have a taboo topic as opposed to the pleasant ones. The taboo topics are the ones that get to the route of what’s going on. We figure out what’s the route of the problem, and then how can we sort of resolve it for everybody. It may not necessarily be a quick fix, but we can at least have a conversation about it and then get the ball moving on how to sort of address it. Because most likely if it came up 5 minutes before the end of my session it’s not being addressed at all at home.

Screen: Why is it important to talk about sex?
Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: It’s who we are. We are sexual beings. I think it’s important to talk about because it’s sort of says in a lot of ways who we are as individuals. Some people are straight. Some people are gay. It’s also a way of self-identity, some people have fetishes and sometimes there’s shame around that.

So, it’s important to ask your partner what those fetishes really mean and how everyone’s sexual needs can be met. If there’s a fetish a there’s a shame about it, then it’s not being done. That someones not being fulfilled. It causes the breakdown of the relationship as far as communication. ‘I don’t feel comfortable talking to my partner about xyz’ because there’s some shame about it. So, bring it to the counseling room as an opportunity to “DE shame” it so to say and have a conversation. An open, true conversation about it.

Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: So often sometimes people will come into therapy and saying everything is good, ‘okie dokie’, no problem, then you get to the last 5 minutes of the session and then something comes up. “oh by the way we haven’t had sex in 6 months.,” or “by the way we both sleep in separate rooms,” or “by the way…” Whatever it is, that’s huge why are you just bringing that up now? There is this fear of being judged sometimes by the therapist. ‘I don’t want the therapist to judge me.’ However, I’m leaving now, so if I never get it out it’s never going to happen.

So sometimes couples or even families will bring up the issue at the last minute something that’s very major. We could’ve been spent the entire time talking about it. So, it does happen occasionally that they don’t want to talk about certain topics particularly if it’s about sex. Particularly if they’re not doing as good as people think they’re doing. Often about their partner, that’s not fulfilling their sexual needs. It’s always some taboo topics that come up at the end that should’ve come up earlier in the session.

Screen: What about taboo topics?
Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: I am totally okay with those type of topics. They’re not taboo to me and they are a part of life. It is something. Everyone should have sex. Hopefully, everyone is having sex. I’m more concerned with clients who aren’t having sex–who’s 32 and never had sex. What’s going on there?

I’m okay with those type of topics. I’d rather we have a taboo topic as opposed to the pleasant ones. The taboo topics are the ones that get to the route of what’s going on. We figure out what’s the route of the problem, and then how can we sort of resolve it for everybody. It may not necessarily be a quick fix, but we can at least have a conversation about it and then get the ball moving on how to sort of address it. Because most likely if it came up 5 minutes before the end of my session it’s not being addressed at all at home.

Screen: Why is it important to talk about sex?
Danny R. Gibson, LMFT: It’s who we are. We are sexual beings. I think it’s important to talk about because it’s sort of says in a lot of ways who we are as individuals. Some people are straight. Some people are gay. It’s also a way of self-identity, some people have fetishes and sometimes there’s shame around that.

So, it’s important to ask your partner what those fetishes really mean and how everyone’s sexual needs can be met. If there’s a fetish a there’s a shame about it, then it’s not being done. That someones not being fulfilled. It causes the breakdown of the relationship as far as communication. ‘I don’t feel comfortable talking to my partner about xyz’ because there’s some shame about it. So, bring it to the counseling room as an opportunity to “DE shame” it so to say and have a conversation. An open, true conversation about it.